This is the war-cry of most guys who get dumped, especially when they didn't see it coming. If your girlfriend broke things off and left you in the dust, you may be trying to pick up the pieces and figure out what went wrong. Maybe you've called to ask her to meet you, or asked her if there's a way to work things out. Perhaps you've begged or pleaded, or maybe even promised her the world to get her back. But in the end, the answer is the same:
"No. We need some time apart. I just need my space. Please stop calling so much, and just leave me alone for a while."
But there's one thing your ex doesn't realize about your break up. It's something most women don't forsee when they first break up with a guy, because they're not in the mindset to actually visualize it happening. And you know what else? It's also the one thing that brings couples back together, and is responsible for almost every single reconciliation or makeup. Because from the moment she dumped you, your girlfriend expected one given thing: gradual detachment.
You see, women have very strong emotional bonds to the guys they date - you included. By the time your girlfriend broke up with you, she'd already tried to sever some of those bonds in preparation for losing you. Not seeing you, hearing from you, or talking to you anymore is going to be a big adjustment for her. You should know this more than anyone, because you're going through it right now! But hey, guess what? At the time she breaks up with you... she doesn't.
This is why, after a break up, women still need to hear from you. They want to know that you still love them, still need them, and want them back. When you're running around telling everyone I want my girlfriend back, it's total music to her ears. This allows your ex to feel emotionally secure, and it reaffirms her decision to end things. You need her more than she needs you. In such a situation, it's time to look for someone else.
Wanna know the worst part? When you make moves to get your girlfriend back again, you'll most likely do the exact opposite of what you should be doing. This is because you feel the same lost feelings - the same needs - the same separation anxiety that your ex feels. The bad thing? The more attention you give her... the more you tell her how much you love her... the more cards you write, the more you open up, the more you call to spill your guts and tell her your true feelings... the stronger and stronger she gets. Your exgirlfriend starts to feel invincible. You're actually building her up here, when you should be trying to create a need for you in her life again. Instead, everything you're doing and saying is having the exact opposite effect.
Guess what? Your girlfriend expects this type of gradual detachment. She figures she'll hear from you. She counts on a few emails and text-messages, because these things will build her up. Giving them to her is like kissing your relationship goodbye, because you're validating her decision to ditch you. If you want girlfriend back, you cannot do these things.
Imagine for a minute that your girlfriend breaks up with you, and you drop off the face of the Earth. You're locked in a room with no phone or internet, and nobody knows where you are. On day one, she'll process the break up. On day two, she'll wonder why you haven't called. By days two and three, your exgirlfriend will be missing hearing from you, because you've given her absolutely NO validation. Not a single text-message has crossed her phone, and she's going to actually start to feel rejected! By the time it's day five or six, your ex will be looking around for you - she'll have an intense curiosity to know where you are and what you're doing. She'll start imagining things in her mind - like maybe you've even moved on, or that you had this other girl in mind the whole time. How else could you have walked away from the relationship so easily, and without a fight?
After a week without you, your ex will be missing you like crazy. Curious like crazy. Filled with the need to get in touch with you like crazy. Instead of running around saying I want my girlfriend back, you've gone completely underground. Not only does this let her know you mean business, but it also creates an atmosphere of mystery to go along with her need for you. Your ex will call you, instead of you calling her. She'll make up some lame excuse to get in touch, like she needs to pick something up that she left at your house. And instead of answering the phone? Keep right on with your no contact rule. The longer you can go without making ANY sort of contact at all? The faster your girlfriend will come flying back into your arms.
What's the one thing your girlfriend didn't realize she'd miss when she dumped you? Her need to be loved. Give that to her, and she's already gone. But lock it away safely in your heart and keep it from her? And she'll come running to you in order to get it. With a little time, some patience, and a whole lot of willpower? You can get back any girlfriend... no matter what the situation may be.
There are 8 Individual Steps required to Get Back Your Ex Girlfriend, so find out what they are! And for more information on how to make your girlfriend want you back? Be sure to check out how to Win Your Girlfriend Back.
If your lover has left you...
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